A Shot of Malevolence

Yanno, Elders are not some nicey-nicey person. Most of us didn’t get to be Elders by being passive, submissive, humble, or downtrodden. We worked hard for the experiences and knowledge we have gained over the decades. A lot of it cost in blood, and bruises, and tears. We’ve broken our hearts and often had dreams shattered trying to do what we think is the right thing to do. We’ve taken a lot of condemnation for standing up for our ideals and fighting for them. We have been anything but passive.

Sure, we’ve often been jerks. Being a jerk was probably a hallmark of those who eventually grew into being Elders because being a jerk is how young people get the attentions needed to get things done. Because it worked so well for us in our youth, many of us have continued it into Eldership. Only, now we’re called “curmudgeonly”, “crotchety”, “touchy” and other far less polite names.

Younger people may think it bothers us to be called by all sorts of derogatory epithets. Some of us wear them as a badge of pride. We sweated to earn those names!

It’s not easy, being mean, but someone has got to do it.

And now I hear all the fluffbunnies out there crying out, “Can’t we all get alooooooong?”

No. And I’ll tell you why, because I’ve never held back before and I’m not about to start now that I’m old. You can read or not. Your choice.

We can’t all get along because if we did, we’d be stagnant.

That’s the short version. Here’s the longer one.

When everything moves along in peacefulness and harmony, when no one dares to rock the boat, when no one can say, “The king is naked and has a pimple for a penis”, then we’re not really getting alone. We’re just taking up space following a scripted outcome. People don’t put their best into anything, because “OK” is good enough. And eventually, when “OK” becomes the norm, it ratchets down a notch and “less than OK” is tolerated. Things go from average to sub-average to bad to utterly broken and no one can figure out how to fix it because no one knows how to be contrary or mean, or even evil.

We need the occasional shot of malevolence to galvanize us, to inspire us to do better, to prove something. We need someone to be evil so we can demonstrate just how good we are. We need the bully who pushes us into making decisions that will determine the course of our lives. We don’t need a lot of it, but we need the jerks, the assholes, the idiots, the raging nincompoops, the curmudgeons, and the contrary.

The colorful characters of Paganism were and are the ones who help us shape and define what Paganism is. We need our Kevin Carlyons, Lauri Cabots, and Silver Ravenwolfs. More importantly, we need Elders who aren’t wimps. We need Elders who will stand up and say, “Excuse me, but the Graet Rite is all about sex and fertility and we will not modify it for your prudery. Who do you think we are, Puritans?” We need Elders who will say, “Not on my watch will you Ever imply that nudity is sinful. There’s lots of sin out there and human flesh is not among them.” We need Elders who will say, “Dudes, Sunflower just had a baby, why aren’t you bring her casseroles and diapers and washing her dishes? What kind of Pagans are you to neglect our co-religionist like that? Get your butts to her house right now and I don’t mean as soon as American Idol is over.” We need Elders who will say, “Eeew, that’s a bunch of hogwash. We will not add that to our canon, it’s wrong and you should know better than to try to sneak something as assanine and inane as that past me!”

Our Elders have no responsibility at all to teach newcomers to their religion – that’s what teachers are for, or have you forgotten that already? Going around piously proclaiming that people who don’t teach can’t possibly be Elders is a fallacy the Elders should have smacked out of their co-religionists with a whopping huge clue-by-four. There is nothing wrong or dishonorable about teachers, or about people who choose to remain teachers their entire life long – but Elders are not teachers. Just because you learn something when you come in contact with an Elder doesn’t mean they taught it to you. Take some of the responsibility for yourself – you learned that, not you were taught that. There is a difference.

Elders aren’t always particularly nice people, especially when they have all these stupid people clinging to them begging to be taught this or shown that, or, most often, to be given t’other – all without effort on the part of the clingers-on. They have much more important things to do that shove paplum into the gaping maws of starving hatchlings, and if they cut you off or ignore you – consider just what it was you were asking or doing that caused them to react to you that way instead of running around whining that they aren’t real Elders because, boohoo, they hurt your feelings. You might actually – gasp! – learn something.

Elders are the keepers of tradition, but not by teaching it. They keep it by policing it and rooting out the weeds and picking off the fluff, sometimes with sharp pinches (and sharp words). No matter how hard or difficult it is, they will do what is right, even if they could look the other way, or half-way do something that’s easier. When they have to make a decision that could be either ethically right or morally right, they will choose what is morally right. And they will expect those about them to pick up on this and to emulate them. You do what’s right, and if that means being mean, being contrary, hurting someone’s feelings to goad them into doing the right thing, as an Elder, you do.

The difference between being malevolent in this fashion and being a common bully is that Elders generally act to promote growth, not to strangle it.

Sure, some Elders know just what to say and how to say it, to pour oil on troubled waters, but then some other Elder is going to have to come along and suck up the oil spill and rile the waters up again. We can’t have that sediment layer getting too deep. Nasty things get buried down there.

So, if you encounter an Elder who is sharp or seems cruel, look deeper. You’ll find the reason they did that – and you’ll grow just a bit. And if they inspired you to do better, to be more than you thought you could be – you have that mean old Elder to thank for it.

A Rant

Yanno, I keep hearing about people who claim they don’t want to be judged by the “nutcases” in Paganism. They are dissociating themselves with Paganism and giving up their beliefs and religion because of these perceived “nutcases” that are making their daily lives miserable. They claim mainstream America is judging them based on these “nutcases”.

Most people don’t even know who people like Fiona Horn, Kevin Carlyon, Oberon Zell-Ravenheart, or Laurie Cabot are. Assuming, of course, you consider them nutcases [1], but these are the Pagans who have received the most media attention, and if people know anything about Pagans, Wiccans, or witches, these should be the most common names. They certainly don’t know who Wiccan Wade, or Robin Artison, or any of the other fluff bunnies we rant about in the snark lists and journals are.

Mainstream Americans haven’t a clue who our real nutcases are, so they can’t possibly be judging us by them.

I can tell you a number of people who *are* Pagan who are influencing public views of Pagans: Audre Lorde, Alice Walker, Diana Paxson, Starhawk, Z. Budapest, Cybill Shepard, Chas. Clifton, George Takei, Roseanne Barr, Stevie Nicks, Tori Amos, and Luisah Teish. When you talk to a random American person and mention any of these people, if they know who they are, they’ll also know they are Pagan. They are all good representatives of what Pagans are like in daily life.

Outside of them, mainstream American’s perception of witches, Pagans, Wiccans, et al, are formed by TV shows like “Charmed”, “Bewitched”, or those swap shows, and most know those are all fictional and don’t *really* expect real Pagans to be like that. Or they get their information on who or what a Pagan is by radical Dominionist type Christians. Lately, those types of Christians are being shown in a really bad light and people are beginning to withdraw from them, so their input in what a Pagan is is waning in influence.

Honestly, most people don’t know and don’t care who or what a Pagan is. And I say this living in a part of the country where Dominionist Christians have a stronghold, living less than a mile from one of the largest Dominionist churches in possibly the entire state.

I’m not ranting here about the people who are withdrawing from their local Pagan communities becaues there are some nutcases there, the drama-llamas and users who make life miserable for those about them regardless of their religious affiliation. They just happen to have latched onto Paganism as a way to get their selfish needs filled. And yanno, these aren’t the type of people who will be known to mainstream America, so mainstream America can’t be judging us by them.

If folks are so worried about what mainstream America thinks about us [2], hanging out with fluff bunnies isn’t going to ease that worry at all.

I don’t really care what other people think of me as a Pagan. Or even as a person, really. I adhere to my own moral and ethical code, one that is composed largely of what I understand Numenism to be through conversations I’ve had with the Founders and other priests and my own life experiences. I am shaped, in part, by what other Numenists and my friends and family think of me. What strangers think – eh, who cares?

I don’t obey the rules of society in order to gain acceptance of strangers, or to lure them into thinking I’m something I’m not. I obey those rules I think fit in with my beliefs and my ethics and morals. I obey some rules and laws because they make sense even if they do infringe to some degree on my ethics and morals. The rest of the rules and laws? Call me a rebel. I have been working for years to overturn some laws, and I work to prevent others from even coming into being. The fewer laws we have governing us, the easier it is for us to obey them. Too many laws are stifling and can be used as tools of oppression – a state our country is currently in (but I’m going to stay away from politics – mostly). One of the things I find the best about America is our ability to remove or reverse unfair or nonsensical laws – and it’s a tool I enjoy exercising. Probably because I’m a weird and freaky Pagan.

Most people didn’t become Pagan to conform to society’s mores. Why should they dress or act like good little drones? For some hypothetical acceptance of society? Eeeew.

I’m in Paganism for the Sybaritic aspects. And the Epicurean. And the Hedonistic. I am a sensualist and a volumptuary and I enjoy spreading it around to others. I’m also in it for the intellectual stimulation and challenge. If that means I weigh more than is societally acceptable and wear clothes that aren’t the height of fashion, and use words that make other people’s heads hurt, and like to play little mind games with those I think won’t break under the exchange – what’s wrong with that?

I’m not going to hand out little questionaires asking people why they’re Pagan. I’m going to accept that, for this phase of their life (which may last for as long as they live), they are Pagan by their own word and choice. That’s good enough for me. And if they are a little weird, well, what a great conversation-starter.

I like the Fionna Hornes and Kevin Carlyons and even Wiccan Wades because they add color and give us topics of conversation, allow us to use them as teaching tools. And if “society” doesn’t see beyond them[3], so what? We do, and that’s what matters.

[1] I don’t. I consider them colorful and a potential source of education and study.

[2] I’m not.

[3] Assuming society even sees them, that is.