Yanno, Elders are not some nicey-nicey person. Most of us didn’t get to be Elders by being passive, submissive, humble, or downtrodden. We worked hard for the experiences and knowledge we have gained over the decades. A lot of it cost in blood, and bruises, and tears. We’ve broken our hearts and often had dreams shattered trying to do what we think is the right thing to do. We’ve taken a lot of condemnation for standing up for our ideals and fighting for them. We have been anything but passive.
Sure, we’ve often been jerks. Being a jerk was probably a hallmark of those who eventually grew into being Elders because being a jerk is how young people get the attentions needed to get things done. Because it worked so well for us in our youth, many of us have continued it into Eldership. Only, now we’re called “curmudgeonly”, “crotchety”, “touchy” and other far less polite names.
Younger people may think it bothers us to be called by all sorts of derogatory epithets. Some of us wear them as a badge of pride. We sweated to earn those names!
It’s not easy, being mean, but someone has got to do it.
And now I hear all the fluffbunnies out there crying out, “Can’t we all get alooooooong?”
No. And I’ll tell you why, because I’ve never held back before and I’m not about to start now that I’m old. You can read or not. Your choice.
We can’t all get along because if we did, we’d be stagnant.
That’s the short version. Here’s the longer one.
When everything moves along in peacefulness and harmony, when no one dares to rock the boat, when no one can say, “The king is naked and has a pimple for a penis”, then we’re not really getting alone. We’re just taking up space following a scripted outcome. People don’t put their best into anything, because “OK” is good enough. And eventually, when “OK” becomes the norm, it ratchets down a notch and “less than OK” is tolerated. Things go from average to sub-average to bad to utterly broken and no one can figure out how to fix it because no one knows how to be contrary or mean, or even evil.
We need the occasional shot of malevolence to galvanize us, to inspire us to do better, to prove something. We need someone to be evil so we can demonstrate just how good we are. We need the bully who pushes us into making decisions that will determine the course of our lives. We don’t need a lot of it, but we need the jerks, the assholes, the idiots, the raging nincompoops, the curmudgeons, and the contrary.
The colorful characters of Paganism were and are the ones who help us shape and define what Paganism is. We need our Kevin Carlyons, Lauri Cabots, and Silver Ravenwolfs. More importantly, we need Elders who aren’t wimps. We need Elders who will stand up and say, “Excuse me, but the Graet Rite is all about sex and fertility and we will not modify it for your prudery. Who do you think we are, Puritans?” We need Elders who will say, “Not on my watch will you Ever imply that nudity is sinful. There’s lots of sin out there and human flesh is not among them.” We need Elders who will say, “Dudes, Sunflower just had a baby, why aren’t you bring her casseroles and diapers and washing her dishes? What kind of Pagans are you to neglect our co-religionist like that? Get your butts to her house right now and I don’t mean as soon as American Idol is over.” We need Elders who will say, “Eeew, that’s a bunch of hogwash. We will not add that to our canon, it’s wrong and you should know better than to try to sneak something as assanine and inane as that past me!”
Our Elders have no responsibility at all to teach newcomers to their religion – that’s what teachers are for, or have you forgotten that already? Going around piously proclaiming that people who don’t teach can’t possibly be Elders is a fallacy the Elders should have smacked out of their co-religionists with a whopping huge clue-by-four. There is nothing wrong or dishonorable about teachers, or about people who choose to remain teachers their entire life long – but Elders are not teachers. Just because you learn something when you come in contact with an Elder doesn’t mean they taught it to you. Take some of the responsibility for yourself – you learned that, not you were taught that. There is a difference.
Elders aren’t always particularly nice people, especially when they have all these stupid people clinging to them begging to be taught this or shown that, or, most often, to be given t’other – all without effort on the part of the clingers-on. They have much more important things to do that shove paplum into the gaping maws of starving hatchlings, and if they cut you off or ignore you – consider just what it was you were asking or doing that caused them to react to you that way instead of running around whining that they aren’t real Elders because, boohoo, they hurt your feelings. You might actually – gasp! – learn something.
Elders are the keepers of tradition, but not by teaching it. They keep it by policing it and rooting out the weeds and picking off the fluff, sometimes with sharp pinches (and sharp words). No matter how hard or difficult it is, they will do what is right, even if they could look the other way, or half-way do something that’s easier. When they have to make a decision that could be either ethically right or morally right, they will choose what is morally right. And they will expect those about them to pick up on this and to emulate them. You do what’s right, and if that means being mean, being contrary, hurting someone’s feelings to goad them into doing the right thing, as an Elder, you do.
The difference between being malevolent in this fashion and being a common bully is that Elders generally act to promote growth, not to strangle it.
Sure, some Elders know just what to say and how to say it, to pour oil on troubled waters, but then some other Elder is going to have to come along and suck up the oil spill and rile the waters up again. We can’t have that sediment layer getting too deep. Nasty things get buried down there.
So, if you encounter an Elder who is sharp or seems cruel, look deeper. You’ll find the reason they did that – and you’ll grow just a bit. And if they inspired you to do better, to be more than you thought you could be – you have that mean old Elder to thank for it.
Ebonypearl 