Into our hands came a map of the legendary treasure of the Dolorese Sea.
After many long years of seeking, we have at last found the entrance to the hidden sea
Our pilot, Laarrrch, led us safely through the Straits of Doom and up to the lair of the Red-Eyed Beast. The Beast must have been in a jovial mood today, for his monstrous and dread Eye shone gangrenously green upon us and we steered past with only a shiver of terror.
Perhaps the Red-Eyed Beast knew something we didn’t for no sooner had we passed his lair than we found ourselves upon a narrower strait of boiling black ice. Taking advantage of a inlet, we sought what we hoped would be cooler waters.
Behold, we had entered the hidden Dolorese Sea. It was aptly named, and we found ourselves becalmed.
Heathaarrrgh and Laarrrch took the Dragonfly and explored the waters about, looking for a current or a wind that would propel us closer to the treasure. They returned to the Silver Hippo with tales of dreadful honking beasts attacking from sea and air, escaping with their lives and the Dragonfly so befouled by their droppings that it was unusable.
Determined to find this treasure, we set off in the Waterflea – choosing the opposite direction from the horror-filled Duck Island.
Laarrrch rowed across a wide and still green sea. In places the water was so shallow we saw mud. Heathaarrrgh left one of our flags in the shores of such a swamp to mark our way should we live to return
Not far beyond the green shallow sea we encountered a current of hot black ice, and had no choice but to navigate it. At a bend of the current, we paused to get our bearings, and from there, we saw the remains of the HMS Friz-Bee, manned only by disjointed skeletons. We boarded the wreck. Amid the rot and debris we found the waterproofed log, and retrieved it to send to Her Majesty. Of worth, there was nothing else on board.
We boarded the Waterflea once more and continued our westward journey. We passed a section of sea that was terrifying indeed, and made us glad we journeyed in broad daylight. Jutting from the waters were thick stalks taller than the crow’s nest of the Silver Hippo. At their topmost ends were clusters of six huge silver eyes, dull, and hopefully sleeping. As we passed them. we speculated in hushed tones just how huge these monstrous beasts were beneath the green waters.
Just beyond them, the waters narrowed and split. The southern way was narrow and – from our vantage in the tiny Waterflea – perilous looking. On the west branch, we spotted two banana trees, and taking that as an omen, we chose the wider red waters nad continued our search for the treasure.
To our fortune, the waters turned southward once more. We passed the many eyed behemoths once more, but far enough away to feel safe.
This route was inhabited by the strangest creatures, encased in small hard shells and scurrying at improbable speeds. These creatures were friendly – or so we assumed, as they waved appendages at us or made cheerful noises when they saw us. At one place, we passed stepping stones so large the creatures who used them must have stood at least 50 feet tall. It brought to mind a previous adventure with the 50 foot tax collector, and so we scuttled past as quickly and quietly as we could.
At last we reached the Vinous Woods spoken of on the treasure map. HEre, we had to disembark from the Waterflea and haul it along with us overland. This arduous task we left to Laarrrch, as the Bilgemunkee could hardly be expected to help, and Heathaarrrgh carried the flag, and I, I had the device that allowed us to interpret the map entrusted to Laarrrch.
The Wood was well-named – sinewy vines shrouded all the vegetation here, forming lacy barriers we had to hack and slash our way through. There were deadly ivies, choking berries, and thorny ropes dripping with blood red flowers. The voracious Jackalope crossed our path and we escaped by leaving most of our supplies. As the Jackalope devoured weeks worth of food, we entered deeper into the Vinous Woods. Here, the brisk wind that accompanied us all along the Red Waters stilled. In the distance, we heard the ululating cries of the Mad Ents, and far off, the lonely, lost hootings of a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater. It was with great trepidation we pressed on.
The Bilgemunkee climbed to my shoulder and clung there, gasping for what little air existed between the vines. Laarrrch was attacked by a carnivorous vine that left him with raw places on his arms. The Waterflea was abandoned as the path between the trees, already laced about with vines and huge spider webs, narrowed further.
No landlubbers, we struggled through the woods, looking for the special cedar tree marked on the map.
Heathaarrrgh was bitten by strange beasts who left huge welts on exposed skin. The little Bilgemunkee doffed his hat and sought to cool off as best he could in the hot, close air.
The device that came with the map told us we were getting closer, so we forged ever on, helping one another over deep ravines and up steep hills. Many vines were separated when we passed through, and no doubt our passing was well marked, for with no wind, only beasts could have made the rustling sounds among those slender, tough living ropes.
We should have known the treasure would have a guardian, for just as Laarrrch called out he’d found the treasure, we were attacked by a Mad Ent! Its glowing red eyes and sharp teeth were dreadful to behold! More disturbing was the fact that the Mad Ent wsa truly a tree, rooted nearby, waving his heavy wooden limbs at us and moaning most horribly.
Then it struck us – he was rooted to the spot!
We turned our backs on him and plundered the treasure. Within the chest, we found the logbook, and read the notes of those pirates who’d found the treasure before us. Page after page, we read of dangers braved, and treasures lost and found. Within the covers of this book, we left our own terrifying tale. And per legend, we each took one item from the treasure chest and left another in its place.
Heathaarrgh chose jewels, leaving behind a fuzzy blue dolphin and a book that might entertain the Mad Ent – a mini Mad Magazine. We let her pick two because the Bilgemunkee only wanted air and cheese, neither of which was in the chest.
Laarrrch chose a useful mini-leatherman tool and left behind his much loved Bonsai Potato.
I selected a powerful device that let me know when I was level and when I was off balance, and I left behind a cunning little dragon coiled atop a miniature chest full of gold coins.
At that point, we learned that Mad Ents can uproot themselves, and we were chased out of the Vinous Woods.
As fortune would have it, we emerged on the Strait of Doom, with our very own Waterflea in reach. We paused to enjoy the cool brisk wind that blew here, gulping in massive lungfuls of wonderful, marvelous air!
Then knowing where we were, we boarded the Waterflea and navigated easily back to the becalmed Silver Hippo.
With a will, we rowed the trim little ship out of the Dolorese Sea and onto the current of hot black ice. We dodged the Red-Eyed Beast, who bent the dreaded Red Eye upon us, and with only a slight scorchmark, bore down the Starit of Doom and eventually back to our home port.
There, we feasted as befits successful pirates. The rumfustion flowed freely as we told our tale of dangers and treasures, and we feasted upon turtle eggs, pickles, Salamagundi and fresh fruits in rum – and the Bilgemunkee got his fill of cheese.
I’ve heard of a treasure on the Isle of Gilmarten. If I can find a map, mayhap we’ll take to sea once more and seek that treasure.
Ebonypearl 