Auto Features

Looking at all the new cars and their list of luxury “perks”, I decided to list what I want, really, truly want, in a car.

First, it must be mechanically simple enough for me to do all the basic routine maintence on it – no having to have the engine cracked open to change spark plugs, or having the engine hauled out to replace worn clutch pads. The oil filter needs to be set so you don’t need robotic hands to reach in to replace it.

The fuel should be something that is cheap, plentiful, efficient and renewable. I’m leaning heavily towards the compressed air powered cars right now. Although a solar-powered, wind-powered, compressed-air combination might be feasiable, if it can be made long-lasting enough and small enough that the car doesn’t look like some armored tank.

I prefer rack and pinion steering to power-assisted because it feels the road better and reacts faster – no waiting for power motors to respond. And I despise power steering altogether. I suppose, if you’re driving a monster truck, you need the help, but I don’t like big cars.

And that’s another thing – I want a car I fit into. I hate having to pull the seat all the way forward so my chest is jammed into the steering wheel and my knees crammed into the dashboard just so my toes will reach the foot pedals. And I’m not that short!

And the seatbelts were designed for very very tall people, because most shoulder harnesses cross, not at my neck, but my cheek and cover my mouth. I have to tuck it under my chin and feel strangled as I drive. Assuming I even use it. I had the shoulder harness in my car replaced with a lap belt only because of this. Seat belts are required, no where in the laws does it state that the seat belt must be a shoulder harness.

Air bags – ther’s another gripe of mine. Because I have to sit so close to the steering wheel, I am far more likely to be killed by the air bag deploying in a fender bender than I am to be injured in a major multi-car pile-up. Side bags deploy behind the car seat, so I’m not as annoyed with them. They’re just stupid.

Sun visors too short to provide crucial blockage when the sun’s at an oblique angle or very low annoy me, too – that gap between the visor and the side bar of the window is as painful as the one behind the rearview mirror, and it’s a simple enough problem to fix.

So, in the car of my dreams: shoulder harnesses would be infinitely adjustable, and long so those of us with naturally large boobs wouldn’t have them squished in and bruises and raw sores rubbed into them by the tightness of the harness, and short people wouldn’t have to tuck it under their chin and have open wounds rubbed into their faces from it.

Front air bags would not be packed into the steering wheel. Rather, the steering wheel would be more like a joystick and the airbags would deploy from the dash board. Curtain airbags would descend from the ceiling on the sides so even those of us who sit far forward will be protected.

Dashboards would be higher off the car floor so those with long legs have more room and those with short legs don’t get their knees crammed trying to reach the foot pedals. Trading the steering wheel for a joystick would solve many reach issues as well. A joystick with a trackball would be fantastic for automobile manueverability and steerability.

I like that my car has a foot rest for the left foot. More cars should have that.

I’ve already whined about engine accessibility for conducting routine maintenance.

Anti-lock brakes are fine. I haven’t a lot to complain about those, but I do want to say I think the idiot light for them is confusing and stupid.

Speaking of idiot lights – I’d like them to either have labels either in place of or alongside of the shaped lights, so you know what they are for. That “Check Engine” light, for example, really needs to be “Oxygen sensor” light, because that’s what it most often refers to. I wouldn’t mind a column of idiot lights – little dot lights beside a label for the item to which the light refers: oil pump, gas, airbag, antilock brack sensors, oxygen sensors, doors open, key in lock, etc. – and no annoying ding, bings, beeps, chimes, or tinkling sounds because I’ve chosen to sit in the car with the door open while waiting for someone.

I’d prefer guages for those items needing guages – heat, oil levels, gasoline levels, rpms, that sort of thing.

I like having a trip meter, and would like it to go to a higher number than 999 miles.

I don’t particularly care for OnStar. I find in intrusive and too “nannyish”, but mostly I hate their commercials. I don’t mind a hands-free cell phone set up – voice activated, and I’d be all for a portable WiFi connection in the car. It would give passengers something to do and me something to annoy them with. Besides, when I go on a long road trip or camping, I’d be able to blog, upload photos, and send and receive emails – and that would be nice.

Music-wise, I’d like the standard radio, of course. Essential for keeping up with local condictions if you don’t have a passenger who can look it up on line for you as you travel. An iPod or other MP3 player hook-up, for listening to music, assuming the WiFi isn’t working or you’re alone and listening to the MP3 would be safer.

Now, onto the things I consider luxuries that I wish were standard: car seats that open for additional storage space both for the backs and the seat area, under-seat drawers for even more storage space, the back fenders opening from inside the car to provide more storage as well (my car currently has this and I love it). I like hidden cubbies and storage spaces. A flat storage along the ceiling of the car for blankets or extra maps would be nice. The spare tire needs to be accessible even if the car is packed to the gills with stuff. Cargo nets and hooks with which to attach them would be convenient – and probably more stable than the homemade ones I use. And, having critters I transport often, I think screens to pop into the rolled down windows would be very helpful, along with adjustible sun shades, and a place to attach water bottles and food dishes.

I don’t care for sun roofs because all they do is make the car really hot in the summer and really cold in the winter, but cargo rails are good. A built in bike rack is also good to have. And, being me – I’d like a hatch back that opens up to have a tent attach to it – a three room tent with a screen porch because if I’m dreaming, I might as well dream what I really want, right?

This isn’t everything I want, but it’s enough, for now.

So, if you could design your dream car, what would it have as standard and luxury features?