Death

Reading about the controversy around “The Aristrocrat” reminded me of plans I’d made to cover when I died.

22 years ago, I was told I had terminal cancer, so aggressive and invasive they didn’t expect me to survive the week. Three days was what they said.

So, I made my funerary plans.

Only problem is – I didn’t die within the week, or the month, or year or decade.

Recently, I updated my funerary plans because I’m morbid that way.

Actually, I had to do it because the catering company I wanted used went out of business.

Why did this movie spark a memory about funrary plans? because I don’t want a priest or minister speaking at my memorial service, I want a comedian up there detailing my life. I want the attendees at my memorial service to have deep belly laughs that will leave them gasping for breath. My life has been full of pratfalls and hilarious incidents, and that silliness is important to remember.

I survived a lot of things that might have killed others. In fact, friends of mine died in some of the same situations, so I know how dangerous parts of my life have been. I survived it all, and sometimes what saved me was my ability to see what was so funny and move forward. I never got mired down in “might haves” and “should haves”. I never got stuck at any point of my life, not even when I had to wait in the checkout line of the Friends of the Library book sale for 4 hours. That was a pretty funny time. There are people who were in that line with me who will never be able to look at a grab box of books the same again.

I think a pretty good routine can be worked up over my life – the baldn days of chemotherapy, the tandem skateboard incident, teh duck stuck in my thigh, the escape from Hartz Mountain, what happened on the Norfolk Broads, assorted college incidences I’m sure the colleges would rather not be retold, rituals and celebrations gone awry, culinary disasters only I could have achieved, SCA picadilloes, and more.

So, yeah, when I die, after my bones are made into china candlesticks, I want a memorial service that is lush with food and drink and MC’d by a comedian, a good one.

I don’t anticipate many people attending it (I have this distressing tendency to outlive people), but the few who make it should have a roaring good time. No doubt they can contribute funny incidents I’ve long forgotten. My lamentable old memory, yanno.